


Exploration

by wolfiefics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, because if they didn't it would be depressing, they survive the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 07:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfiefics/pseuds/wolfiefics
Summary: Severus thinks Remus is leaving him for an ex.





	Exploration

**Author's Note:**

> This was written under my old moniker Bagoas Alexandros in 2012. The rings mentioned were called exploration rings. There used to be a link of them to go with the story, but alas, it is now defunct.

It was odd that Remus wasn't home. Severus couldn't ever remember a time coming to see Remus that the werewolf wasn't pacing impatiently in the living room, waiting for him. Despite his normal sneering at such a 'heartfelt' reaction, it did warm the normally icy Potions Master to know that _someone_ had a care for his person. Dumbledore didn't count, he reasoned, being family, however distantly related.

Having let himself in with his copy of the front door key, Severus settled on the couch to wait, idly flipping through a magazine as he awaited Remus' return. They had plenty of time, after all, before the theater performance. Severus was especially pleased with himself, as he had also made dinner reservations. It was the latest thing, this new theater in London. Based upon the old theater gardens of the Napoleonic period, the theater's boxes were privately screened and the occupants could do what they wished inside. Besides a luxurious and expensive meal, Severus had other plans of a less than savory nature. He grinned lasciviously to himself at the thought.

He hoped Remus wasn't looking forward to the performance because Severus had no intention of letting him see much -

A folded letter fell from between the pages of the magazine, falling with a flutter onto Severus' lap. He thought nothing of it, picking it up to tuck it into pages that he'd already passed but the opening salutation on the three-way folded letter caught his attention.

> _My beloved Remus_

Frowning, realizing it wasn't _his_ writing, Severus unfolded the note, reading before it even occurred to him that he shouldn't.

> My beloved Remus,
> 
> I'm writing one last time, before I go. I again offer you the chance to accompany me. Do not reject this, we both know that your relationship with Severus Snape is coming to a close. You've confessed that you feel caged and restless. To me that indicates that you are not finding what you need in that relationship. Give me a chance to offer you so much more. 
> 
> If you are worried about Snape's feelings, I'm still having difficulty with the concept that he has any. Yes, I can already envision your rebuking frown and chiding remark of 'he is human too'. That is all true, he is human, but he's so **cold**. It's like he bottles everything up and has for so long that he doesn't know how to release his emotions. And some people, Remus, are just cold and unfeeling. They take what they want for their own gratification, regardless of who is hurt, used, or also emotionally involved. I've heard about Snape, about how he is. He sounds like the prototype for those kind of people.
> 
> I leave on the fifteenth of July. You'll never have to worry about anything ever again. I'll take care of anything you need. We'll find you employment, good, steady and honest work, whatever you like. I have rented a two bedroom flat, one room for each of us to give us our own space. If we choose to indulge in more, then that's two more rooms to choose from.
> 
> I love you, Remus. You've heard me say it often enough. I understand why you left me, but I swear, things will be different. It took losing you to make me see what a complete and total prat I was. I was so certain of us and our affections that it never occured to me that you were not feeling the same. Let me prove to you. Please.
> 
> Yours most affectionately,
> 
> Rafe

His hands were shaking. Severus noted this as he placed the letter back exactly in the magazine where it had dropped from. Rafe Moss had been Remus' lover before Severus. Remus had been mad for the other man. Rafe was the reason Remus constantly demanded proof of Severus' regard at the start of their own relationship. Severus was not ashamed to say he grabbed Remus on the rebound. Remus came to him just when Severus needed someone the most. It was mutually beneficial, or so Severus thought. He was also been under the impression that the break with Rafe was final and irreconcilable.

Rafe Moss, handsome and uninhibited Rafe, was someone Severus only saw from a distance. Remus pointed him out early in their relationship when they'd gone to a club for a lark. The rest of the evening, Remus had been closed and uncommunicative. He'd also been resistant to any advances Severus made. Knowing what it was like to come away with the short end of the stick in a relationship, Severus had been a little miffed but said and did nothing. It was something he knew Remus would have to sort out on his own. After a year together, Severus assumed Remus did so.

Obviously he was mistaken. And Rafe had realized what he was missing and seemed determined to win Remus back. Severus Snape would be _damned_ if the sore loser would come out on top. _He_ wasn't the Head of Slytherin House for nothing, after all.

* * *

Remus returned to his flat in London to discover Severus already there. He smiled cheerfully as he entered, saying as he did so, "I'm sorry, Severus. I tried to hurry." He removed his jacket, dropped his work bag on the side table by the door and began removing various items from his job for weekend work.

Severus merely watched him put his work things away. When Remus finished and could face the taller man fully, the Potions Master spoke. "There is no rush. Take a shower and get dressed. I have something special planned for this evening."

Giving Severus a wide smile, he did as he was bid. He quickly showered but took his time with the rest of his toilet. Severus had been teasing him with tonight's plans for a fortnight and Remus had no intention of looking like a poor, unkempt stray. Since their relationship had begun, Severus' looks changed. No, that wasn't right. They hadn't changed, he just gotten a good dose of sunshine and contentment that went a long way to taking the cold rigidity from Severus' life. The sun took the sallow pallor from his skin and Remus' care for his person seemed to relax Severus' insecurities regarding everything else. Remus even managed to get Severus to wear something besides unrelieved black.

He stepped from his bedchamber and was in for a due shock. Expecting Severus to smile his newly found affectionate half-smile at Remus' attire, no longer rags and patches, Remus was therefore startled by the cutting nod and stalking pace to the door. The door was jerked open stiffly and a hand very formally gestured him to pass through. As he passed Severus at the doorway, he felt himself tensing.

The cold feeling that used to emminate from Severus returned en force.

* * *

Severus kept telling himself that he was being churlish. Rafe lost. Remus had been genuinely happy to see him this evening. The werewolf long ago proven that he wasn't some shallow-minded idiot. Remus more than deserved the benefit of the doubt but Severus found that he was losing the fight against all his old insecurities. Insecurities that had been so much a part of him for decades and were now creeping into him like a dark shadow.

In a bid to force himself to relax, Severus commented on Remus' new robes. "The blue looks good on you. I told you it would."

Remus gave him a confident nod. "Yes, you were. I normally don't care for blue though but I will concede to your superior taste." Remus paused in the stairwell and gave Severus a quick, wet kiss. "And you do taste superior."

It was a joke, one Severus started in a bid to get Remus to loosen up in his company. Remus had been startled at first to discover that Severus' sharp wit when not focused defensely was quite clever and rapacious. They used the comment often whenever they sensed something wrong with the other. This time whatever was wrong with Severus was not to be mollified by the familiar ritual.

"We have reservations," was Severus' response as he brushed past after indulging in the kiss. Remus was stung slightly but reasoned that Severus might consider this a form of public display. While Severus actively did the chasing in the beginning of the relationship, he'd never been one to air it too publicly. Severus Snape was still an intensely private person in many instances. Normally that was fine with Remus, being a rather private individual himself. This time it rankled.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. What's wrong?"

"We're going to be late."

Remus halted as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "You said we had plenty of time."

Severus shot him an inscrutable look and then sighed. "I'm just feeling out of sorts today. I need you and me together. I just want to relax, enjoy ourselves and our evening."

Remus nodded cautiously. It all seemed plausible, but somehow Remus knew that there was more. When Severus was ready to talk about it, he would be and not a moment before. Inwardly shrugging, Remus determined to enjoy the evening Severus had been planning for weeks and make sure Severus did as well.

* * *

Severus was overall impressed with the box, the theater and the food. Remus was too, considering he hadn't stopped raving about it for the past 15 minutes. It was a shame he couldn't stop thinking about that bloody letter. His mind kept considering all sorts of reasons why Remus would hare off with Rafe Moss, leaving Severus alone. The list was growing longer every moment Severus spent thinking on it.

Sipping his champagne, Severus desperately cast about for some way to distract himself from these wholly depressing thoughts. It was affecting their evening and he'd be damned if his old insecurities would cave in on him.

"Severus?"

He jerked, his gaze colliding with Remus'. His partner was staring at him, frowning mightily. "I'm sorry, was thinking."

Remus sighed. "I don't suppose you'll confide in me?"

Severus looked away. "No," he mumbled in a surprisingly cowardly manner. If he was overreacting, Remus might think he didn't trust him. Remus' trust in him meant a lot to Severus; so few people ever had faith in him.

Silence reigned a moment. "Are you breaking up with me?" Severus' head jerked up. Remus waved a hand casually about the box in an encompassing gesture. "Is that what this is about?"

"No!" He spoke vehemently. 

Remus considered him a moment. "Okay." He shrugged with seeming indifference. "That's fine."

"I just felt like spoiling us rotten for a night. Is that wrong?" Severus couldn't keep his tone from being harsh and inwardly winced when he heard it.

Remus regarded him with that unnervingly steady gaze. "No. In fact, it's rather nice but I'd enjoy myself more if my partner didn't act like a kicked puppy." Severus couldn't stop the flinch. Remus' perceptive gaze caught it. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I -" Severus tried to explain but a sudden vision flashed into his mind of what his life would return to without Remus in it. He'd return to his cold shell, the warmth of Remus' smile and love would leave him empty once again. Their relationship was one of passion, born out of loneliness and shared experiences. They shared some hobbies and interests, intelligent conversation and a healthy dab of argument kept things interesting. Severus enjoyed the fact that Remus was no wishy-washy submissive in the sexual side of things as well. Remus was just as aggressive and strong in bed as he was out of it. 

He suddenly felt sick to his stomach at the thought of everything he was probably about to lose. "I'm going to be sick." He jerked away from the table, exited the box at a run and headed for the nearest men's restroom. He ignored his name being called by a panicked and concerned Remus, more intent on not losing what he'd consumed of the meal thus far before he reached the relative haven of the restrooms.

He finished heaving over the stool, the door to his stall latched. He leaned against it and jumped a good foot when he heard Remus' worried voice drift to him from the other side. "Severus, you're not well. We shouldn't have done this. Come, we'll go back to my flat."

Severus took a great gulp of air and shook his head to clear the dizziness away. "No, no. I can make it through the performance with no problem. Go back and finish your meal. I'll be along in a few minutes. Now that I'm done, I'm feeling a bit better."

There was a very long pause and then a heavy sigh. "I don't suppose arguing with you is going to change your mind?"

Severus' lips twisted derisively. "You have to ask?"

Remus laughed. "Not really but I'll let you win this time. Only because I've got something to tell you and tonight was the night I'd planned on doing it." There was another long pause and then Remus added meaningfully, "Don't be too long." Severus listened to his footsteps, the opening and closing of the restroom door and then silence reigned.

Remus was going to leave him. He planned on telling him tonight. Severus' vision of his bleak and lonely future loomed before him once more and he began heaving into the stool again.

* * *

Remus stepped into the corridor where Severus and his box was located, his mind worriedly chewing over what could be wrong with Severus. Obviously his illness was what was causing the man to be so out of sorts. Severus was rarely ill and when he was, he wouldn't admit it. Resolved to the idea that pampering and soothing might be in order for the rest of the evening, Remus wasn't paying attention to where he was going. Otherwise he would have sidestepped Rafe Moss, who was standing right outside the box's entrance.

"Remus?" Arms caught his, stopping the collision.

"Rafe!" Remus focused his attention on the handsome man in front of him. His heart thumped a couple beats faster at the sight of Rafe but slowed a moment later. Rafe long since lost any appeal to Remus. He was committed to Severus now. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with business associates." Rafe tilted his auburn-burnished head in the direction of a nearby box entrance. "I heard your voice and came out. Is everything okay?"

Remus tried to surreptitiously pull out of Rafe's grip, managing to do so without being obvious about it. "Oh yes. I think Severus got ill from something earlier today."

"Oh, too bad." Rafe looked unconcerned with Severus' health despite his words. They stood awkwardly for a few moments before Rafe spoke again. "Did you get my last letter?"

Remus sighed. "Yes and the answer remains the same."

Rafe looked around, his muscles tensing and then, taking Remus' wrist, took them both into Remus and Severus' booth. "Look, I realize that you think you owe him some obligation, but you don't, Remus."

"Rafe."

"I love you." Rafe shoved a hand through his hair, tousling the locks. His features were tense, the dense lighting throwing his features into sharp relief. "Gods, I know I fucked us up, Remus. Please, I know I did, but I'll do right next time. You aren't happy, you told me so."

Remus frowned repressively. "Rafe, that was -"

"Give me a second chance. If I screw it up, all you have to do is say so and I'll send you back to England without another word, without a hassle." Rafe pulled Remus into a hug. "We're still good for each other. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I'll make you happy again. I'll make you smile and laugh and tease, just like you used to."

Remus relaxed into the hug, slightly unwilling, but more unwilling to let Rafe stand there like the blind idiot he really was. "Rafe, I care for you, but -"

"But there's one thing standing in his way." Both me looked to the entrance, both with identical expressions of horror on their face. Severus stood there, the curtain pulled back and his face ashen but resolute. "Me."

* * *

Severus rinsed his mouth out and shakily made his way back to the box. He was just overreacting, he told himself. Remus wasn't some insensitive prick, to dump him like this. He was reading way too much into a stupid letter from a simple-minded moron who took almost a year to realize that he dropped the ball on keeping a man like Remus.

Such a thought buoyed Severus enough until he got closer to their box entrance. What he overheard as he approached slowed his footsteps and made his stomach clench queasily again. It was a shame there was nothing left for it to eject.

"I love you. Gods, I know I fucked us up, Remus. Please, I know I did, but I'll do right next time. You aren't happy, you told me so." 

Severus had never heard Rafe Moss' voice but he didn't need Remus confirming the other man's identity to know who was speaking.

"Rafe, that was-" Remus' voice sounded slightly strangled.

"Give me a second chance. If I screw it up, all you have to do is say so and I'll send you back to England without another word, without a hassle." There was a pause and Rafe continued speaking, causing Severus' body to go completely glacial. It was a familiar feeling he now welcomed. It was his only shield, his only defense against the hurt that was undoubtedly going to be coming. "We're still good for each other. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I'll make you happy again. I'll make you smile and laugh and tease, just like you used to."

"Rafe, I care for you, but -"

Taking a deep breath, Severus decided plunging the knife in himself was preferable than Remus doing it for him. He jerked the curtain aside to behold the two locked tight about each other, Remus' eyes closed and Rafe looking tenderly at him. "But there's one thing standing in his way," Severus stated coldly. Both men turned to look at him in complete shock. "Me."

"Severus, this -" Remus immediately tried to shove away from Rafe, who instead stubbornly held on. Rafe's grey-green eyes met Severus' black ones, each one evaluating the other.

"But I assure you both that Remus is quite mistaken in believing that I'll be left a broken man when he leaves. If he isn't happy, if he isn't smiling, if he isn't content, then he is free to leave. I have no intention of keeping someone with me who has no desire to remain."

Rafe stepped forward aggressively. "Oh really?"

Severus raked a contemptuous look over the two of them. "He's a grown man. He can make his own decisions. Unlike some of us, I'm above begging." With that pronouncement, Severus swept his gold trimmed cloak off the chair he'd been sitting on, turned on his heel and left the box.

* * *

Remus stood there, mouth hanging open, unwilling to believe he witnessed what he just witnessed. Severus just left him, the one person he thought he could count on for anything, grabbed his cloak and swept away.

Fury like he never felt before roared through his veins like molten lava. He shoved Rafe away furiously. "You are such a goddamned, self-centered prat, Rafe, do you know that?" He grabbed his own cloak and stormed out after Severus.

He caught up with Severus just as he reached the street. "Oh no, you don't!" Remus caught a handful of Severus cloak and jerked him to a sudden halt. "We're having it out right now."

"Oh, are we?" Severus' response was vitriol. "Because I haven't made enough of a display of myself for you this evening?"

"Fine!" snapped Remus. "We'll have out in my flat then but you aren't leaving until I find just what the holy hell is your problem."

Severus flung a hand in the direction of where they came. "That," he spat, "is my problem."

"Rafe." Remus wasn't asking.

"Rafe," mimicked Severus sarcastically. He reeled backwards when Remus' fist collided with his jaw.

"That has been over for a long time, as you well know." Remus stood over him, brown eyes blazing with righteous fury.

"Not according to that goddamned letter that fell out of that magazine in your flat." Severus lunged to his feet and stalked away.

Remus caught up to him in three strides. "Letter? You read the letter?"

"Well, when a folded letter revealing the words 'my beloved Remus' drops into my lap as I'm idly flipping pages waiting on you to get home, it tends to get my attention." Severus continued walking, or rather stalking, Remus doggedly keeping pace at his side. "Especially when it's not _my_ handwriting."

"I see."

"Do you?" Severus' purr was misleadingly saccharine. "How nice."

"Yes, I see that you're jealous." Severus shot Remus a caustic look and immediately bristled at the smug look on Remus' face.

"Don't be patently ridiculous."

"I'm not. I'm damned certain." Remus sounded smug now. "I would never have believed it but apparently I'm guilty of the same thing Rafe was." Remus pulled Severus up short once again. "I love you."

Severus flinched and looked around nervously. "Shut up, will you?"

Remus regarded him calmly. "And I don't care who knows it. I love you," he added a bit louder. "You're stubborn, arrogant, sometimes very pessimistic and insensitive, but you're also protective, possessive, and gentle." Remus smirked at Severus' infuriated look. "I love you." 

Severus growled in his throat. "I want to believe you."

"Then I suggest you do so. We'll go to my flat, where you can shag me senseless." Remus grabbed his hand. "I'm assuming one of us, or both, being shagged senseless during the theater performance was the reason for the private box? I prefer a bed, though, thank you. I'm not getting any younger." He tugged and Severus reluctantly followed.

Severus allowed himself to be cajoled back to Remus' flat. His natural pessimism and years of being downtrodden by friend, family and foe alike kept getting in the way of the year of Remus' affection and devotion. Remus closed the door firmly behind them and leaned against it, eyebrow raised in imitation of Snape's own haughty expression.

"I do believe an apology is in order, first." Remus casually tossed his keys on the small table by the door.

Severus was outraged. "You want me to apologize for leaping to a logical conclusion - "

"I'm sorry, Severus, for not making it very clear to you that not only am I no longer interested in Rafe, but also that I'm _more_ than interested in you." Remus approached him with a predatory gait. Severus nervously backed up a pace. Remus never took the initiative in their lovemaking.

"Um-"

"Furthermore, I apologize for Rafe ruining our evening. I know you've been planning this for a very long time." Remus gave a wolfish grin, tossing his arms casually up around Severus' neck and leaning in for a nibble. "I think it was dead romantic and definitely dead sexy that you went through all this trouble for me, Severus."

"Really?" Severus squeaked as Remus did something dead erotic to his throat with his tongue.

"Mmmm-hmm," Remus purred.

Severus gave his lover a wicked grin and pulled him tighter. "In that case, I'll put my next crafty plan in motion."

Remus drew back, his eyebrows knit together. "And that is?"

Severus' eyes took on a dreamy quality. "You. Me. A southern plantation house to ourselves in the bayous of Louisiana. Sultry nights of New Orleans. Lots of ... what's so funny?"

Remus gasped for air as he was convulsed in laughter. "New Orleans is out, Severus."

"Why?" Severus demanded.

Remus winked at him. "That's where Rafe wanted me to move to with him."

"Hawaii's nice this time of year," Severus stated unequivocally, leaning down to kiss Remus.

Against Severus' lips, Remus murmured, "Anywhere with you is nice, Severus." He gave the lanky man a peck on the lips, teasingly, and then pulled out of the embrace. "Second."

"Second," Severus repeatedly stupidly. "What's second?"

"First was the apology and now it's the second thing, the thing I've been waiting to tell you all night." Remus gave Severus a playful look.

"Oh."

Remus arranged a serious expression on his face. "I've got something to tell you, Severus, something that's quite exciting." He looked over at his lover, gauging the reaction. Severus was looking apprehensive again. "I really have to tell you that we cannot break apart. I really must insist upon a commitment from you, Severus. All this leading me on, tormenting me with signs of my affection being returned just isn't good enough. So -"

Remus walked over to Severus and took out a small object. 

"You aren't proposing to me, are you?" Severus asked, aghast.

Remus chuckled. "No, idiot." He opened his hand and revealed two rings. "They are called exploration rings. They are made out of gold and white gold, so I can wear mine."

Severus picked one up and stared at it. "I thought you said you weren't proposing?"

"I'm not," Remus replied seriously. He traded rings, as Severus had taken the wrong one. "They represent our journey with each other and our new life. You don't have to wear it, Severus, it's just enough that you accept it. It shows me that you accept _us_ as we are and we will be in the future."

Severus stared at the ring in his hand and then slipped it on his middle finger of his right hand. It fit perfectly. Defiantly, to himself and to Remus, he snapped, "Does that answer your question?"

Remus grinned, slipped his own ring on his right hand and then launched himself into Severus' arms, lips first. "You may shag me now," he informed the black haired man holding him.

Severus headed for the bedroom. "About damned time something went right this evening," he muttered.


End file.
